Conflicting thoughts early in the morning;
Thank God for the stabilising influence of His Word and Spirit.
(Relishing the last day of less-crowded rides to work - eeks.)
I may never receive full satisfaction 'til I die
But I will not die before God deems me fit to return.
Satan, I won't let you get at me that way anymore.
Like an impatient child testing a cake
I prod the surface of my heart every so often
Feeling the slow-filling firmness
Looking forward to the day it will be whole again.
Satan, I won't let you get at me that way anymore.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Fly
Shocked that it hurt
(Such a small it to be hurt about, really.)
Why could I not have been happy for him, instead?
Perhaps this is really for the best.
"Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
Remember you almost had it all"
(Such a small it to be hurt about, really.)
Why could I not have been happy for him, instead?
Perhaps this is really for the best.
"Fly high and proud
And if you should fall
Remember you almost had it all"
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Where are they from?
I thought I was finally, with God's magnificent grace and provision, moving on.
I thought I was finally healing, enough to live and laugh and, in future, maybe even love again.
Why this sudden dream of you?
Perhaps it is the subconscious speaking, not necessarily God or even the devil.
But over and over, it happens. Just when I have made up my mind or my heart to let you go, a dream comes of our reconciliation.
Of you pursuing, wanting me back again.
Of me wanting to be reconciled, but holding back in fear of being hurt again.
Of reassurance from family members that us reconciling is fine with them.
Of me slowly allowing myself to lean towards reconciliation.
And it is always at that point that I awake.
I don't know what to think, but I will not let this distract me. I will continue to lay it, and my desires, before the Lord.
One thing the trainer said a couple of days ago struck me. The Holy Spirit may have given us a word about somebody else, but we also have to watch the timing of when we share it.
I don't even know if this is from the Lord... regardless, I will wait. I am terrified nowadays of moving before the Lord speaks.
I want to be as obedient to Him as I possibly can.
Making God happy - "The joy of the Lord is my strength"...
I thought I was finally healing, enough to live and laugh and, in future, maybe even love again.
Why this sudden dream of you?
Perhaps it is the subconscious speaking, not necessarily God or even the devil.
But over and over, it happens. Just when I have made up my mind or my heart to let you go, a dream comes of our reconciliation.
Of you pursuing, wanting me back again.
Of me wanting to be reconciled, but holding back in fear of being hurt again.
Of reassurance from family members that us reconciling is fine with them.
Of me slowly allowing myself to lean towards reconciliation.
And it is always at that point that I awake.
I don't know what to think, but I will not let this distract me. I will continue to lay it, and my desires, before the Lord.
One thing the trainer said a couple of days ago struck me. The Holy Spirit may have given us a word about somebody else, but we also have to watch the timing of when we share it.
I don't even know if this is from the Lord... regardless, I will wait. I am terrified nowadays of moving before the Lord speaks.
I want to be as obedient to Him as I possibly can.
Making God happy - "The joy of the Lord is my strength"...
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