Struck down

And it's taking every ounce of my effort to say "not destroyed".

2 people so far say your reasons are valid.

But I still don't know what they are
And why they would be any more valid after 5 years.

Please, put yourself in my shoes
And think about how I experienced it

First, the stability, granted by a crucial moment when we gave our relationship to God
And, so we thought, received His blessings to go ahead.
Planning for the future with joy

Then, suddenly, without any warning
You turn cold
And I'm left wondering what I have done
Trying desperately to make amends, to please you
While my own heart cries in anguish.

Finally, we meet
But I can't believe the words that fall from your lips
You had been thinking about things
And not saying them out
And now you want to end it.

End it.

The words echo in my head
What has happened
And why didn't you tell me about it?

But the answer was not to come
Perhaps you knew it, but couldn't say it
But I was expected to accept your decision just the same.
Just like that? Just accept it?
I was prepared to go to the end
To give up my life
And now I'm supposed to take it all back
Without fully understanding why?

So now what am I supposed to make of all those times
All those words
Did you mean them, or did you not?

And to make matters worse
You take my lack of understanding
My desperate grasping at straws
As further reason to push away.
How could I have understood
If you never spoke about it in the first place?
Was I supposed to read your mind?
Is that what you expected of me?

At the very least, give me an explanation
I've been told it may not be enough for me
But it's enough for you.
And still the question echoes, echoes

Why?

And every day it gets harder to keep my promise to God.