Wondering if closure will bring relief
Because I tried it today,
Telling myself that you do not love me anymore
For no particular reason at all
And I could not stop the flood of tears down my face.
God, why does he seem to feel no pain at all?
Can it have meant so little to him?
How in the world could he have thought it would help
To cut me off so brutally
And not let me see his pain, his struggles?
How could he not have considered
That it would make me think he didn't care, never cared?
He doesn't want to give me the "wrong message".
Is he even sure of the message he wants to send?
If he is, why hasn't he sent it - a different it?
Would the pain be easier to handle without the bewilderment that assails, over and over again, without pause?
Oh, God!! I really need Thee, every hour, before I forget my promise to You :'(
I know it's wrong, but I really wish I was in an accident, so I can't be blamed for harming myself. I wish I was in an accident that would give me amnesia, so I wouldn't remember anything, and wouldn't hurt anymore. Better still, if You take me home to You.
I know I ought to be careful what I wish for... but, dear God, I fear I am going out of my mind. Please help me :'(
As long as I am alive, You still have a purpose for me.
Please help me to stand firm on that and seek out that purpose.
I need to remember my own maxim.
Where there's life, there's hope.
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