Monday, October 15, 2012

Take away the chains

Feeling rebuffed, once more.

Obviously, you don't need me in your life anymore.

And it seems your struggle has nothing to do with me.
(I don't know, but it seems so.)

May I learn to entrust you to God's care completely.

And someday, some distant day far in the horizon

I may learn to wish you well

With all my heart, to wish that you

Would find a love that burdens you less

A woman sensitive to your deepest needs

A quiet, risk-taking, music-playing, self-sufficient, slightly cynical woman

Who'll deal with her own problems in her own time and leave you to yours

Who'll never expect you to do anything you didn't want to

A truly telepathic woman who will love and hate all the same things you do

A woman whose lifelong love is acceptable to you.

But until then, the ground beneath my feet is undefined

Like sand, prone to shifting and buffeted by winds

And struggling on only entails falling into sandpits of my own digging, again and again.

I, too, wish I could move on

But how can I, if you withhold the very concrete

Of the reasons that brought us here?

Over and over, I wonder:

Did you ever have them at all?

Please, if you ever loved me

Be honest with me.

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