EPIPHANY

Some things just occurred to me.

See, maybe what really happened is that you need time to figure yourself out.

After all, I don't know what issues you had to consider.

You needed time, and space.

And so you cut me off, because you needed to stop me from being a constant reminder to you of who you were, or who you are supposed to be. I wasn't doing it consciously, but I was nonetheless a reminder - the closest one to you (that you could cut off - family can't be).

You wanted to figure it out yourself.

And although the process was careless, it was not callous (or at least not meant to be).

Is that the reason? Is that why you found it so easy to let go of your feelings for me? Because you were preoccupied with something else - something greater - a bigger project - working out who you really were?

Because who you really are will impact our relationship. It might change our dynamics. It might change how we relate to each other.

That's not to say it isn't possible to do so while we're still in a relationship. In fact, I would have at least attempted to give it a try if you had told me so from the start.

But maybe, this is a truth that you yourself didn't fully understand. And so this was the only way you could see to do it at that point in time.

And that's why you couldn't fully verbalise the reasons you wanted this in the first place. It's not because of some huge flaw on your or my part. It's because you had, along the way, lost your conception of who you really were. And you needed to find it again, otherwise a relationship built with one shaky pillar would not last.

And so what I need to do in this period of time is help you by not remaining a reminder of the things that you aren't sure are you. To give you space to work things out.

To not ask for a commitment that you can't give at the moment, because you don't know who you are, and if you don't know who you are, you don't know whether you can commit.

So you don't despise anything in the past (except that one thing we both regret). You don't have a flawed understanding of relationships, of who we are, of how we got along together.

This is just something you need to do.

And after it all, we may come back together, we may not. It depends on the trajectories God will lead both of us on.

But you will be more sure of who you are. And with that new surety, you will be able to make decisions and commitments with confidence.

Wow. This is like... a Revelation. An Epiphany. And somehow, very freeing.

I'm not sure why, when it just increases the possibility that you may not come back to me.

But maybe I have peace now, because I found an explanation that fits all the facts.

Just like when SL helped me understand that I was asking the wrong question to God's answers to me.

This understanding of "Everything fits now".

It even fits the Bible verses God gave me! God DID bring me back to the land of peace, of understanding.

This... this is good.

Thank You, God.

I don't know whether I should email him to tell him this. Will it help? Maybe it will. But it wouldn't do to do it on impulse.

I'll sit on it for awhile first. Talk it out with a few people. See if it makes sense.

See if it lasts.

But wow... what a change... within a few minutes.

Thank You, Lord. You always know exactly what I need, when I need it :') <3