Heart words

One of the things that really hurt me:

That you seemed to have moved on even before we actually broke up.

I think the break-up happened in your mind even before I even had the tiniest hint about it.

Is that fair?

They say it's easier to live if you learn to accept an apology you never got.

But even if I got the apology I'm looking for, would it help?

I know, we can't rewind time and start the process again, this time with more information symmetry.

But I still wish you would talk to me.

Clear things up.

Admit that some of the issues may not have been what you thought.

Work things out.

And then what?

Of course, my heart yearns for us to be reunited.

But even if we did, I would have no peace until we each got a firm answer from God.

And it makes no sense to reunite if the answer comes that we'll have to part.

So I'll keep seeking, keep listening.

And in the meantime I keep from foisting myself on you. I keep myself from asking for the answers I deserve, even though I think you would no longer withhold them from me.

I keep from asking you whether you can reconsider this. But I hope, someday, to be able to ask it with confidence.

And I hope, someday, you will say the words I've been longing to hear.

God, I know, it's all of this and so much more
But God, You know, this is what I'm aching for
God, You know, I just can't see beyond the door...

God, please hold me in Your hands.