Spilled

Reminder: What does it mean to love? What would be words that are "good" in this context?

I guess what sparked this off was realising that you answer to some messages and not others. Trying to figure out which messages you respond to and why you don't respond to the rest.

Is it because they remind you of the past?

I went back and reread my post about the Epiphany I received. This additional piece of information seems to gel with that.

So I must go back to my resolve then. Not to remind you of things in the past, before you are ready for them.

Maybe, at this point in time, you just want (and need?) to live in the moment.

It won't be healthy on a long-term basis, but it's just for this period of time until you are less busy and can afford the space to think about things again.

(Again, a wrench - remembering that you broke up with me partly because you "need the space" but still have your time filled up with other things. I hope that was not your way of showing me how you felt to be neglected for ministry, like at the fellowship lunch. If you had only told me your needs, I would have paid attention to them.

Again, maybe this is your need - to have the "space" from reminders of the past and to live in the present until something subsides. What is it that you are waiting for to subside? If it is pain, for whatever reason, I pray that your pain will subside quickly. If it is your longing for our relationship, why? I'm sorry, I still cannot pray for that to subside :'( I have tried to pray it for myself, and failed.)

Anyway, I guess I should not send you the link I was thinking about sending, because it would have reminded you of the past. Instead, I'll paste it here: http://cairnhill.wordpress.com/2012/11/10/most-delightful-moments-twc-daily-devotional-20121110/

I thought I had found someone with the same passion for God, the same concern for building up those who are younger in the faith, the same dream of using songs to speak to God's people. I am grateful for your partnership in ministry all these years - in Yaf, in YM, in songwriting. I am sad that you no longer see me as a good partner for ministry. But I am glad that you are still devoting yourself to God's ministry. I hope you are not exhausting yourself though.

May you draw from His strength as you serve, and may God work in you as He works through you.

I still pray for your family. I will continue to do so.